Polyamorous couple married for 20 years reveals secrets

Sometimes, all it takes to keep a relationship strong is to break the rules.

A Florida couple celebrating their 20th wedding anniversary say they didn’t save their relationship by playing it safe. Instead, they opened it.

Robin Alesich and Christopher Alesich of St. Cloud, Florida, said they spent the first nine years of their marriage in traditional monogamy before rethinking what commitment should look like.

A female friend moved into their home, eventually sparking deeper conversations that led to their marriage in 2011.

Since then, the couple said they have entered into three long-term relationships, including a second woman. But they reject the assumption that polyamory is centered solely on sex.

“It’s not just sex – we don’t want a partner, but we want someone to share our lives with,” Robin said in an interview with Jam Press.

The couple, now 47 and 43 respectively, said they didn’t even have the language to express polyamory for nearly a decade. Once they accepted it, they say, they never looked back.

The most important thing is to lay the foundation early, especially when it comes to communication.

“To solve any problem, you need honest communication,” Robin said. “As long as you keep an open mind and discuss it often, you can solve any problem together.”

“Having boundaries from the beginning can help with jealousy issues,” she says. “It’s important to identify any underlying insecurities and issues before they arise. Missing this crucial step can lead to further problems in the relationship.”

The Alessic couple, who run the polyamorous dating app Sister Wives, say there have been misunderstandings about their lifestyle.

One of the most common beliefs is that polyamory is just an excuse to mess around.

“The perception many people have about polygamy is that the couple is greedy and only wants to have sex with other people,” Robin said.

“But in reality, many couples choose polyamory over monogamy for the freedom to love the way they feel is right,” Robin says. “It’s not an escape hatch or an excuse to sleep with as many people as possible, but a permissioned relationship.”

“In fact, the freedom to have meaningful connections, whether sexual or emotional, aligns with their needs and aligns with their values,” she said.

Another common criticism focuses on jealousy, which Christopher says exists in all relationships, not just polyamorous ones.

“In a polyamorous relationship, there should be mutual understanding and agreement on boundaries and ‘rules,'” he told Jam Press.

“The difference is how you approach it; in a healthy polyamorous relationship, communication is a priority, and being emotionally aware because of the nature of the relationship is key,” says Christopher.

“Setting boundaries can help address jealousy before it occurs, identifying what insecurities exist rather than hiding them, and addressing issues as soon as they arise can help reduce the chance of jealousy,” says Christopher.

Christopher also describes a concept unfamiliar to many outsiders, namely finding happiness in the happiness of your partner and others.

“Comparison is a feeling that many polyamorous people experience, and it’s almost the opposite of jealousy when someone you care about finds happiness or fulfillment, either sexually or emotionally, in someone else,” he says.

“For some people, this doesn’t come naturally and may require some inner work to achieve.”

The couple is careful not to view polyamory as a universal solution. They don’t believe it’s for everyone, or that it’s a better alternative to monogamy, just that it aligns with their own values.

Robin said that despite being open about their lifestyle, many polyamorous couples still feel pressure to keep quiet.

“Couples may choose not to share details of their relationship publicly for personal or safety reasons, but the idea that polygamy must remain hidden is wrong,” she said.

“If you feel safe and comfortable sharing details about your personal life, whether with friends, family or strangers, you absolutely should!”